Empowering While Disempowered

 

The conundrum is that I must empower while largely being disempowered. The only way that works is if I pull my resources from my cell tissue. This is how so many women get terminally ill. And, I do not want to take that road.

Recently, I completed a project only to realize my partner who had signed a written agreement had no intention of paying my company our share. Even though we went above and beyond our call and landed the job professionally and profoundly.

They took the resources for themselves to pay their overhead. And then they went out of pocket to elevate the experience by purchasing things that did not need to be purchased. Paper goods. Disposable things. And all the while they had no intention of paying us. It still resonates with me.

The next day, I was called a bully by a new business neighbor who then listed a string of things I had done to him, all of which were false. Throughout this long text exchange, he would explain what horrible thing I had done to him and in the next sentence, he would explain how much he respected me. 

I realize that these people, these businesses, and organizations need my vision and my energy, but they expect to claim it for their own. They have no intention of having a proper exchange of communication or being of their word. 

It's so strange to me.

When I hold my boundaries, when I do not let them steal from me or slaughter my character, they are shocked. SHOCKED! And, betrayed it seems.

This is because I have gone off-script. They have a script and I'm supposed to play the neverending supportive role who stands in the shadows and cheers them on. And, all the while they are stealing from me. Slandering me. It's completely insane. And, it's been going on for a long long time.

The GodDesS moves in spirals. She is nonlinear. And, these same lessons keep circling round and round for me. I do my best to elevate. To ascend rather than descend. But, it's tricky.

In our culture, someone who looks like me is supposed to behave in a certain way. For some reason, I am supposed to give away everything I have and thank the person who stole it from me.

When I don't do that. When I go off-script. When I have a realistic response to being robbed, I become the problem. 

This is where the muses of fire come in. These are the people who support my vision. These are the people who appreciate and reciprocate. Those are the people I will move forward surrounding myself with. 

The rest can fall. The rest need to fall.